I’m not sure if it’s some kind of gastronomic paradox that the large amount of bollocks that is published in January about diets and detoxing is actually written in early August when everyone is eating salad?

I have no problem with ‘healthy eating’, I reckon that it’s just part of everyday cooking life. You cook what you feel like eating. And if you listen your body will tell you. But I don’t seek out ‘healthy eating’, as some kind of separate ‘must-do in January’ kitchen mantra. My problem is not unhealthy eating, just too much bloody eating. And not enough exercise. Greed and laziness, that’s what the magazines should be teaching us to avoid rather than making up a complete load of rubbish about detoxing, something that my liver already does perfectly well for itself.

I mean cooking is what I do. I love my food. Of course I do. And I always want seconds. But because I can cook, at least I’m in charge. So in that regard, the only obstacle to my health is me. Which literally gets bigger alongside the concomitant problem of laziness. Particularly this time of year. Who wants to wake up in the dark and splosh round the park in the freezing rain? But you know, if you want your body to work better, just get out there and give it something to work for.

I can’t help thinking that this middle-class culinary apotheosis we’re having, has actually resulted in everything useful about food being just slightly out of reach for most people? Because really, most people, still can’t or don’t cook, regardless of how simple we tell them it is. And we’ve made it like that. Cookery’s become all about whether I can mimic that smoked birch bark foam off of Masterchef, when I still can’t make soup.

Cooking is a love affair. I’m not talking an on-off obsessive, hunger. I mean the kind of careful compromise, effort, discipline, respect and sometimes ingenuity it requires to sustain a long-term relationship. It isn’t always obvious when you are immersed in the relentless hedonism of one night stands that you will find your soul-mate but one day you find a complete dish with all the ingredients you really want to spend your life with. It’s a basic human instinct.

We need to jump in and explore what our taste-buds most adore and what our body needs to keep it well-fed. Then we take into our own hands, responsibility for the health and longevity of its complex physiology. It’s called the less greed and more exercise healthy eating diet. You heard it here first.